


Boredom

by akatonbo23



Category: One Piece
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2009-06-03
Updated: 2009-06-19
Packaged: 2018-07-26 11:13:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 8,676
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7572046
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/akatonbo23/pseuds/akatonbo23
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After convincing Zoro to join his crew, Luffy and his first mate get lost at sea. Luffy thinks of something to counter the boredom and severe lack of meat.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Boredom

**Author's Note:**

> A very old, unbetaed fic, the first one I wrote in English... Just thought I should archive it here. :)

Zoro had been sleeping peacefully for the last couple of hours, oblivious to the loud growl of his captain's stomach. That, until Luffy started shaking the shit out of him. They had been drifting for days and the only food they had left was a barrel of apples. Not enough for Luffy's insatiable need for MEAT. At least it was enough for them to survive a couple of weeks, and maybe they would be able to reach land during that time. 

"What?", Zoro tiredly opened an eye, "Have we reached an island or something?", he yawned lazily. 

"Nope.", came the answer, "But I'm soooooooo boooooored... And hungry... If I don't eat any meat I'm gonna dieeeeeeee...", Luffy whined. "I got dizzy from watching all those clouds above, my head aches from too much sleep, my stomach hurts ...".

"...If this is why you woke me up I'm so gonna slice you in half !", Zoro warned. 

"Actually...", Luffy continued, "... since I was so hopelessly bored, I tried to come up with something fun for us to do while we're lost. And that's when I realized I was kinda horny...".

"And why the fuck would I ever want to know such a thing???", Zoro interrupted, annoyance obvious in his voice. He was slowly getting used to his captain's randomness, but this was still too much. 

"Well, I was about to ask you. Wanna have sex?", Luffy asked playfully, innocent look on his face. Zoro almost choked while swallowing his own saliva and stared at his captain incredulously. He had got to be hearing things, though it was shocking that his mind was able to replace the misheard question with something so weird.

"What?!?", he finally managed to ask.

"Weren't you listening? I asked if you wanna have sex.", the captain repeated, oblivious to his first mate's reaction.The moment Zoro actually comprehended what it was that Luffy wanted, his mouth had hopelessly dropped to the floor, and a furious blush was forcing its way up to the tip of his ears.

"Nn-nooo!!! What the fuck is wrong with you?!? Have you finally lost it completely?!?", he yelled, his body unconsciously taking a defensive stance.

"But it's sooooo booooring ... And I'm horny too...", the straw hat captain tried to explain. "You don't have anything to do either, so why not?". 

"Because...", Zoro started while pulling Luffy's rubber face, " ... my brain is still working, you moron!". 

"What do you mean?", the boy looked at the swordsman, confusion draped over his features. "Do you only have sex when you're unconscious? That's so sad, you're missing something really fun, honestly!"

"That's not what I fucking meant, you asshole", the first mate yelled, letting go of the boy's face. Luffy's head was knocked back and the boy started rubbing his skin, confusion still clouding his eyes.

"Then what did you mean? Why can't we?"

"Why don't you just jerk off in a corner if you're so desperate?", Zoro suggested annoyed.

"But I can't, it's embarrassing.", the straw hat boy whined.

"How is that more embarrassing than what you asked?", the swordsman gave up trying to make sense of what the other was saying. "And aside from that, did you even stop to notice that I am a MAN?!?"

"Are you stupid, Zoro?", Luffy wondered, "How could I not notice you're a man? And besides, why is asking someone to have sex with you supposed to be so embarrassing? It's like playing a fun game together or having a friendly spar..." 

"Only NOT! And you're clearly stupid! Two guys can't even have sex.", Zoro replied, already tired from trying to put some common sense into a brainless piece of rubber.

"Why not?", the broken record repeated its line. The first mate rolled his eyes, this had been going for way too long.

"Listen, Luffy. Sex is like, a guy puts his penis into a chick's vagina. Now, how can two guys have sex if both of them have penises and none of them has any vagina?"

"Hmmmmmmm....", Luffy submerged into deep thought, concentration clear on his face.

"Don't think about it! It was a RHETORICAL question! They CAN'T!", Zoro punched the captain's face.

"Hmmmmmmm.... We could jerk off together. Doesn't that count?", Luffy refused to give up.

"Do it yourself!!!", the swordsman yelled once again, feeling his throat sore.

"So you just wanna watch? Kinky...", the rubber boy teased.

"I DON'T!!! Do it while I'm asleep!!! I don't care... Just leave me out of it!", Zoro was reaching the wit's end. "If you don't stop talking about sex in the next 5 minutes I won't hesitate to cut you!"

"Wait, I figured, we could use our mouths... Or the asshole...you could bend over while I..."

"That does it!", Zoro screamed, drawing his swords and preparing to attack.

That was the moment Luffy spotted some kind of bird somewhere high above and suddenly launched himself towards it, shouting happily. "Wait for me, you flying piece of MEAT!".

Later that evening, after the captain had finally eaten something more than apples, Zoro was laying on his back, watching the stars and wondering if the whole sex conversation had really happened. Luffy didn't seem to remember anything and the swordsman began to seriously doubt his own sanity.

~ to be continued ...


	2. Meditation

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This silly little story was originally intended to be a one-shot, but then I sort of... kept writing. So if the extra chapters feel like a bit of a stretch, they probably are... :)

Peaceful. The only things he could hear that chilly morning were Luffy's loud snoring and the monotone sound of waves washing the sides of their little boat. It was three days after the sexual harassment incident and the swordsman had almost recovered from shock; no land had been spotted yet, as they were still drifting aimlessly with only apples to eat and just each other to talk to.

Zoro sighed quietly. He was glad he had managed to wake up earlier than the rubber boy that morning. He could finally spend some quality time meditating, since it was just an unnecessary source of frustration to try doing it while his energetic captain was awake. Luffy would start making annoyed little noises, then he would proceed with poking the swordsman, trying to make silly conversation, finally reaching the state where he would literally whine about the whole meditation thing taking soooooo loooog.

The swordsman cleared his throat, trying to chase all unnecessary thoughts away. This was his personal time, he didn't need Luffy pop into it, not even in the form of memories. His mind began to clear slowly, as he focused deeper on his goal - to become the most skilled swordsman in the world, to have his name reach out to heavens and let Kuina know that their covenant had finally been fulfilled. He'd become a pirate now, so his life had suddenly taken a major turn. Luffy was strong, but reckless, so it was guaranteed they would clash with formidable foes in the future. Zoro's body unconsciously shivered with anticipation: this was the path he so much desired. His goal was not yet in sight, it would take a while for him to find that terrific man and he was probably not skilled enough to defeat him at the moment, but that didn't change the fact that he craved to clash swords with the legendary swordsman.

Wasting his time drifting at sea was getting on his nerves, but he couldn't help noticing that he had been wasting it even worse before he met Luffy. His total lack of direction was something he didn't like admitting, not even to himself, and while his captain had absolutely no navigational skills, he could at least find his way while on land. They should get their hands on a navigator as soon as they found an island, or else they risked dying of starvation some day. Not that he was really that confident they wouldn't die this time. The swordsman couldn't help laughing at that; he was such a moron, he had such an important promise to keep and he stupidly left his home island by himself, not even taking a fucking compass, having no idea where he was headed or how to get back, and then there he was, boarding this little boat with another moron with a similar ambition, getting lost at sea and risking their lives...

But then he got serious again, having realized something essential. For a man to become the most skilled swordsman, or the pirate king, luck would definitely hold a crucial role; one might go as far as to say that luck is actually part of a winner's nature. It was silly to let any doubts cloud his ambition and hinder his concentration. He was definitely going to reach his goal, nothing could stand in his way, especially not his sense of direction and navigational skills, or lack thereof.

A lazy yawn suddenly reached his ears, the break in the acoustic monotony affecting his concentration a bit. "It seems the idiot finally woke up", Zoro noticed. He was starting to grow on him, the little rubber bastard. It was difficult putting up with his outrageous moods and randomness, but he liked the guy and owed him his life after all. Luffy was just too honest for his own good, not that Zoro didn't appreciate honesty, being the same in that respect, but his captain barely had any self control.

The episode three days ago vividly came back to his mind and the swordsman couldn't help popping a vein on his forehead. He still couldn't get over it, damn it! He was, most of all, mad because of the way it had affected him. He couldn't stay mad at Luffy, the guy instantly forgot all about it the moment he caught sight of meat and never mentioned anything like it again. He was probably delirious when he started making those advances, so why couldn't Zoro just pretend nothing happened?

Before his captain's sudden suggestion, the first mate didn't even think about sex, he'd never felt the need for it and hadn't even masturbated in months. Not that there was anything wrong with that, but he was rarely distracted enough to get in the mood for it. Sleeping and drinking were usually enough to keep his body happy and mind relaxed, masturbation was just another option that he rarely considered. As for real sex, the simple fact it involved another person made it way too complicated for Zoro to even fantasize about it. It just didn't suit him, he thought; having an ambition like his meant that any additional attractions or commitments would only hinder him in his journey.

But then, joining a pirate crew was pretty much the same thing; he would acquire more nakama along the way and grow an even stronger sense of loyalty towards his crew and captain. Was this really the right choice for him? He remembered Kuina, the one who started it all. No, this was no hollow ambition, it was something born from and supported by deep feelings. Emotions such as those should only serve as motivational boosts, rather than get in his way. A man who abandoned all his humanity in order to reach one goal was just a weakling, he had no desire to turn into such a man.

Wait, how did he get here? Had he just realized something so important because of Luffy's stupid advances? This was NOT happening to him, damn it! It was too absurd. Why on earth would he start thinking about feelings and commitment after a guy buzzed him for sex three days ago? Logic failed him, but then a small thought started creeping into his conscious mind. It wasn't completely illogical, or else his subconscious wouldn't have come up with the connection. He just didn't want to accept that the two things had anything to do with each other. Zoro was pissed. Not only did his mind come up with weird thoughts, he was also desperately trying to shut them off; he was avoiding being honest with himself and that was, by far, the biggest sin of all. He who does not know his true self, has no right to call himself a swordsman.

So fuck it all! It was because of the sex. Luffy's stupid blabbering made him think of sex and apparently this was the way he perceived sex: commitment, feelings. It was embarrassing, it made him feel like a pansy, but how the hell could he not get all shocked and defensive when his moron of a captain almost threatened his virginity, and in a totally random manner as well. "Ok, so I treasure my virginity. Is this what you wanted me to admit? Could I even sink lower?", Zoro bitterly asked his subconscious. It was quite amusing if he thought more about it. "The future most skilled swordsman in the world wants to keep his purity and wait for his true love, he's that sort of emotional pansy", he thought self-mockingly. Ok, maybe "pansy" was still too much. It wasn't that bad, really, it just meant he was serious about every aspect of his life. This was a quality, not a fault, damn it, why did other people's preconceptions and stereotypes have to affect his self-composure?

Zoro's flow of mind was suddenly perturbed by a poke in the face and the first mate remembered what had caused his thoughts to stray off course in the first place: his idiot of a captain had woken up. The whining would start soon, so he'd better pay attention to the moron now and save himself from further annoyance.

"Morning Captain. What do you want?", Zoro lazily asked."Is it more complaining about severe boredom, lack and meat and... all that?", the swordsman remembered the other reason for Luffy's whining three days ago, but couldn't be that much of an idiot to mention it.

"Yeah, how did you know?", the rubber boy wondered.

"You've only complained about those for about ...a thousand times, already. How the hell could I even forget?", the swordsman pointed out, and he meant it literally. Luffy was too much of an adrenaline freak. Honestly, he needed more self-control, it couldn't be helped, they were drifting, they had nothing to do, why not just try and wait patiently for them to reach a shore?

"I know, I'm sorry. I just can't help it...", the captain admitted apologetically.

"Wow, that's a new one.", Zoro couldn't help teasing. "Here's an apple for now. Eat up, maybe we're lucky enough to get attacked by a sea king or something. Then we should have enough meat.", he said while digging in the barrel for two apples, giving one to Luffy and biting the other one.

Luffy's eyes sparkled, "Sea king, I wonder if it's tasty... That would be awesome!!". Zoro just sighed, he was getting sick of apples as well.

"I knew there was something important I'd forgotten!", the rubber boy exclaimed suddenly. "I got all distracted after catching that deliii-cious bird the other day. Why didn't you remind me, Zoro?", Luffy questioned his first mate and instantly found his face covered in half-chewed apple pieces. The swordsman couldn't help his surprise, why the hell would he ever want to remind the idiot about it ???

"What are you talking about?", he unsuccessfully tried to play the nonchalance card, "I don't think anything important happened that day before you caught the bird. It was just boring as hell, like every other day, since we got lost..." If Zoro spitting apple bits in his captain's face hadn't seemed obvious enough, his slight shaking and uncontrollable blush, combined with the unconvincing tone of his voice and madly popping vein on his forehead only confirmed the fact that he knew exactly what the rubber boy was talking about.

"What's wrong with you, Zoro? You're acting really weird. Are you feeling ill?", the only person in the world who would actually buy such a terrible lie wondered, worry all over his face.

"I... I'm fine, Luffy.", Zoro managed, relieved that the moron actually bought it. His victory was, unfortunately, short-lived, since Luffy didn't seem interested in changing the subject at all.

"Well, anyway. I remember I was really horny that day...", the boy began, while Zoro rolled his eyes. He had got to be kidding, was there really no escape for him? "...And I came up with this really great idea to get rid of boredom and have some fun. So I kept asking you to have sex, and you didn't want to, and then I asked why, and you said we couldn't 'cause we're both guys, and then I thought really hard and realized that we actually could, and just when I was about to tell you how, that bird flew above us and I forgot all about it.", Luffy finished in one breath. "So now that I figured how, you wanna do it, right?", the straw hat boy asked, eyes sparkling in a similar way they did at Zoro's mention of sea king meat. The first mate blinked, rubbed his eyes, then blinked again. He wasn't seeing things, the boy really was beaming. Now he couldn't even be annoyed, damn it. It was almost cute. Whoa.... Wait a moment. Did he just think Luffy was cute? Well, he was, the little bastard had gotten under his skin so much that Zoro couldn't even punch him. Fuck, he even felt bad for the kid, he really did, but that wasn't nearly enough for him to... Whoaaaaa... Stop that! Don't consider it, damn it!

"Sorry...", he finally managed, "I can see that you're really looking forward to it and I wouldn't just refuse you for no reason. But this shit's more important to me than I thought and I really don't want to do it." It was Luffy's time to blink, as Zoro's honest tone suddenly made the boy take the answer seriously. A look of understanding washed over his face, followed by his characteristic huge grin.

"No problem. I can wait.", the captain answered in a knowing voice, munching at his apple happily. Zoro was dumbstruck. What the fuck was going on in that rubber brain of his captain? "Oi, that's not what I meant! It's not that I'm not ready yet, I simply... Oi, are you listening, you idiot?", he ended up in frustration, shaking a blank-faced, nose-picking Luffy, fuming, vein popping and all.

"You wanna do it with the one you love, isn't that what you meant?", Luffy asked for confirmation. "Wow, that's really great, Zoro...", he continued in an appreciative voice, taking Zoro's gaping mouth as a yes, "...it really makes me like you even more." His grin widened and he paused for a few moments, before finally adding: "Well, gotta work hard then."

~ to be continued ...


	3. Atypical day

"Well, gotta work hard then.", were the last words that came out of Luffy's mouth, as the boy proceeded doing random things, such as getting another apple to munch on, picking his nose, staring at the water, trying to spot a fish or something else to eat or humming a strange song about islands filled with idiots.

For a couple of seconds, Zoro could have sworn he'd stopped hearing the sound of waves or the slow morning breeze. Instead, a few quick, successive heartbeats drummed in his ears. He sat there confused, deaf to the whole world, watching his captain's haphazard string of actions. _Work hard doing what? What the hell was that moron talking about?_ , the first mate attempted to make sense of the situation, recalling the rubber boy's words. _I don't get it... "I can wait"..."do it with the one you love"..."makes me like you even more"..."gotta work hard then"..._ Something finally clicked, as his brain started putting things together.

_That thing, just now ... was it a con...?!? NO!! No, no, no, no, no... It couldn't have been a con--confession!!_ , Zoro panicked. _Here you go not being honest with yourself again..._ , an annoying voice popped from the back of his mind. _Oh, shut up!_ , he snapped furiously. He hated his subconscious, he really did, especially when it pointed out the truth. _I know, it's just too damn shocking to take in all at once._

He paused, trying to slowly process the flow of thoughts that were flooding his central nervous system. Damn, that was unexpected. He'd already known Luffy for quite some time, enough to realize the boy actually meant every damned word that went out of his mouth, regardless of how insane it sounded. Even the things he said while fooling around reflected his true feelings or intentions, but the swordsman had a hard time accepting the implications of the boy's recent behavior. One thing was clear and that was, the captain had really wanted to get into his pants three days ago. Hell, his eyes actually sparkled at the prospects today, that was, before Zoro's clear refusal. And then, out of the blue, the boy decides to...earn it by working hard? Zoro had to admit, although it made his mind hurt, that this was the only interpretation he could come up with. Damn, the crazy bastard had done it, what was the swordsman going to do from now on?

The episodes that were about to occur later that day would soon be remembered as the weirdest and most random flirting Zoro had ever dealt with. Ever. Though they were kind of cute, in a way, Zoro thought back.

* * *

"Oi, Zoro, look! I found a little worm in my apple!", Luffy exclaimed, out of the blue. It was the 10 o'clock snack, consisting entirely of, you've guessed it, the same fucking apples they've been eating for days, but this time the straw hat owner seemed to beam with newfound enthusiasm. His long, lean fingers were holding the desperately twisting, unlucky invertebrate unskillfully, while his eyes were locked on it in a sort of fascination that Zoro found difficult to understand.

"Throw it away and eat the rest, it's not like the entire apple was affected by a mere worm.", the swordsman finally sighed. What was wrong with the guy, anyway?

"What are you talking about? How could I throw it away? This is MEAT!", the rubber boy answered, stars suddenly appearing in his eyes. "I just thought you might want some, I suppose I could give you half...But maaan, it's so tiny... And I was really looking forward to some meat.", Luffy continued regretfully, as it seemed like some sort of battle was taking place in his mind. "But if you want it you can have it all. Here you go.", the boy's features lightened, as he held out the soft-bodied, limbless being between his index and thumb. Zoro could have sworn he saw a hopeful smile on his captain's face, but he was probably just seeing things. Still, the offer itself was not something he was particularly interested in, to say at least.

"You can damn well keep it, thank-you-very-much!", he answered, not quite able to prevent a vein from popping somewhere on his temple.

"Are you sure about that? It looks deliii--cious!", the rubber boy questioned with watering mouth.

"Ugh...Yeah... Honestly!", the swordsman quickly assured his captain, disgusted look on his face. _What the hell was that? Luffy, offering his precious meat to someone else?_ That was a new one, for sure. _Well, in his own weird way, he was trying to be considerate... Though, seriously, a fucking worm???_ Zoro couldn't help laughing at that, and the blissful face his captain pulled while savoring the poor creature wasn't any help either.

* * *

The sun hadn't yet reached noon and captain Monkey D. Luffy's small pirate boat was still floating somewhere in the middle of the sea, aimless without a proper navigator, but this time rocking a bit wilder. The weather was calm that day, all agitation being caused solely by the two occupants of the boat.

It had all started with Zoro's regular, but impossible for normal human beings, morning workout session. He had decided on doing one hand vertical pushups that day - about 5,000 of them for each of his arms. He was somewhere around his 3,400th pushup on his left hand, face flushed with all that blood flowing down to his head, sweat trailing down his tanned, naked torso, muscles flexing and slightly trembling in his arm, when Luffy simply couldn't stand aside anymore. 'Cause it was sooooo damn boring. Although, what did he really expect, if all he'd been doing up until then was stare at the swordsman's monotonous exercise?

So when he noticed the young man had gotten up and started stretching, Zoro felt a little relieved. For some reason, Luffy's stare had been bothering him, it might have just been his sick imagination, really, but he'd almost felt it, trailing along his arm and torso, following irregular patterns created by sweat, contemplating his flushed face and the restless movement of his three earrings, swinging and clinking together, upside down, surrounded by damp tufts of green hair.

Unfortunately, as the first mate finally realized what the other was trying to do, annoyance started to creep in. Luffy had already gotten on his hands and was doing pushups, trying to keep his balance on the boat's edge. Zoro swore not at all gracefully, as he nearly landed on his face, knocked over by the boat's now increased rocking. His captain paid no attention to him, though, continuing with his barely controllable moves, trying to switch to one hand but unable to keep his body straight, bending it at weird angles, laughing as he almost fell off, then getting back up, on one hand this time, picking his nose with the other, crossed legs swinging back and forth, humming a stupid song and carrying on with his own crazy version of exercise.

"Oi, what the hell do you think you're doing?", Zoro protested, irritated at the interruption. "Can't you see the boat's already sloping? Get off that edge! We're going to sink at this rate, idiot!" Luffy finally paid attention, as he regretfully stopped humming and got back down, sighing.

"But I wanna exercise too! Why won't you let meeeee?", the straw hat owner whined.

"'Cause you were doing something really stupid and dangerous, you asshole!", the first mate couldn't help shouting. "You could've fallen in the ocean or flipped the boat over, had I not stopped you in time.Why can't you be a bit more responsible, for fuck's sake? You're the captain here!"

"I'm sorry!", Luffy said sincerely. "I just watched you do that training thing and it seemed really cool, so I sort of felt like trying it myself...", he explained apologetically.

"Idiot, you should've just waited for me to finish... You don't do this sort of thing in such a small boat, cause it's really difficult to keep its balance.", the swordsman sighed, giving up on his workout for that morning. "Want me to show you how to do it?", he offered.

"What, for real? Thanks, that would be really awesome!", Luffy beamed, as he slowly got into position on Zoro's previous place at the boat's centre of mass. "Oooooh! So if I'm doing it here the boat doesn't rock like crazy anymore. That's so smart, Zoro!", he exclaimed in admiration.

"More like, you're not very bright when it comes to these things...", the swordsman laughed, helping the young man straighten his body as he stood on one hand.

Half an hour later the lesson had ended and Luffy was resting in a corner, eyes once again locked on the first mate, as the latter proceeded with his training session. The lack of meat was seriously affecting his stamina, he realized, as his consciousness was slowly drifting away.

"Thanks for worrying about me earlier!", the boy whispered as he fell asleep, wide smile all over his features.

* * *

The captain woke up after less than an hour. He hadn't really been sleepy, but rather just physically worn out and hungry. Zoro had finished his exercise and he currently lied down, taking his afternoon nap. Or so it seemed, as he suddenly cracked one of his eyes open, feeling Luffy's gaze on his face. "What? Why staring?", he mutters sleepily, yawning for his life moments later. Luffy's grin widens as he states that Zoro's relaxed face looks really, really cute.

"Your sleepy face, also", he adds.

"What the fuck??", Zoro retorted, only for Luffy to remark that the blushing face he'd just made was even cuter.

"I didn't blush!!!"

"Yes, you did.", the rubber boy grinned uncontrollably.

* * *

Zoro's everyday life on the small boat had been pretty much following the same pattern. There was his early morning meditation, first thing after waking up, then breakfast, then he would spend some time talking to his captain. After the 10 a.m. snack there was his workout, which usually lasted until noon and was almost always followed by his afternoon nap. Then he would eat something and proceed with his afternoon meditation. This one was only partially effective most of the time, since his captain just couldn't mind his own damned business while he needed to concentrate. This day, however, things were different.

Luffy was awake, but unusually quiet, Zoro noticed. The swordsman had his eyes closed in his attempt to shut down all of his senses, but still couldn't concentrate at all. He simply couldn't help feeling Luffy's presence, as the captain was getting closer to him, studying his features, tiptoeing around with interest and curiosity. Zoro felt a vein popping on his forehead.

"What is it?", he snapped, eyes now wide open, all concentration gone.

"Nothing... Did I bother you?", the boy questioned him, confused look on his face.

"You're too close, I can feel your body heat! I can't concentrate like that!", Zoro explained, feeling slightly awkward.

"Why not? You could do it better before... and back then I used to poke you and try anything just to make you pay attention to me.", Luffy remembered. Zoro felt a wave of heat unexpectedly flushing his cheeks.

"You're blushing again!", the captain smiled.

"No, I'm not, you asshole!! I'm just red with annoyance! Now move your ass out of my vital space, will you?", the swordsman harshly replied.

"Still looks like a blush to me...", Luffy playfully declared, while moving a bit further away from his first mate.

* * *

Zoro bit on his apple, unable to keep himself from making a sour face. Dinner time couldn't actually be called that when the only available food were those damned fruit - occasionally accompanied by worms. He was getting sick of the situation, he probably wouldn't ever want to taste apples again, were they able to somehow survive this.

"Zorooooo! I wanna switch apples!", Luffy whined. "Yours definitely tastes better!", the boy said with conviction. Zoro wasn't in the mood for his whining, though. He hated the taste just as much.

"What the fuck, Luffy? Can't you tell by the look on my fucking face that I'm not exactly enjoying it either, to say the least?", the swordsman answered bitterly.

"Oh, come ooooon. I'm sure it'll taste better if we switch!", the captain insisted.

"But mine's already bitten...", the first mate tried to object once more.

"I don't mind. Here, I'll take a bite of this one too. Now we're even. Switch, please?", Luffy said while taking a small bite of his own apple.

"Um... okay... I guess..", Zoro finally accepts with a sigh. He then starts eating Luffy's apple, informing him that it tasted exactly the same as the one he had before.

"That's not true!", Luffy contradicted him, "The one you gave me tastes much, much better!". Zoro began thinking that his captain had finally started the slow process of losing his mind, but his train of thought came to an abrupt halt when the boy continued, "It tastes like Zoro's lips."

The swordsman froze, having realized the indirect kiss and he almost choked on his apple, cursing.

~ to be continued ...


	4. Taste

_HUH !?!!! What ?!? NO! I didn't hear what I though I heard just now... "It tastes like Zoro's lips." Fuck! Was that my subconscious again? What's wrong with me? It was just a stupid apple, that has nothing to do with ki-ki-kissing..._ Zoro swallowed hard, his breath uneven and heartbeat unsteady. Okay, that had been weird. For a moment he just thought... But then he looked up to see Luffy's face bright with what seemed to be a victorious grin. The boy was slowly licking his apple, in the very damned place Zoro had bitten on it before. His eyes were gleaming with mischief, but also something else, he couldn't really put his finger on it. Hunger, lust? The boy winked innocently. _The hell... It wasn't my mind playing tricks on me... He ...actually said ...that ..._

Zoro's face'd turned bright red, his cheeks had started burning, while his lips were itching uncontrollably and all he could think of were Luffy's last words. His brain was incapable of going any further, the only emerging thought being how incredibly tasty his captain's own lips appeared all of a sudden. He forced himself to look away from that delicious mouth, desperately trying to think, but his mind refused to listen, he was locked in that moment, with his heart racing like mad and a painful desire to taste Luffy's lips. As he urged for his brain to budge, Zoro realized his captain's mouth wasn't the only one that looked enticing, the young man's neck, his long arms, his fingers, his earlobes, hell, every patch of his fucking skin seemed deliciously alluring. The swordsman's entire body trembled in excitement and agonizingly craved for contact, his self-control dangerously slipping.

 _What the hell?,_ the first mate abruptly regained his composure. _I can't do this all of a sudden. I can't kiss him ...,_ he regretfully admitted his intention to himself. _We're crew mates, this is crazy. I know he started it, I know he wants it, but what happens afterwards? I ...,_ Zoro forced himself to be honest, _... I can't just kiss him and then let him go, pretend it never happened. If I touch him now ...I won't be able to hold back._ And the thought scared him, he'd always been able to control his mind and body flawlessly, before. Luffy and his damned lips, and stupid grin, and delicate neck, and...ugh, stop that! ...they'd been responsible for a string of reactions he wouldn't have expected from his body, threatening his self-control, slowly taking over his thoughts and stirring up his tranquility....

 _"Gotta work hard, then."_ , Luffy's words from that morning came back to his mind. _Damn, I guess you did a pretty good job out of it, captain. 'Cause it seems you got what you wanted. I've fucking fallen for you, bastard,_ Zoro almost grudgingly acknowledged. _It's not like I hadn't known it already, but I could at least pretend otherwise. Now I can't even pretend anymore, not when I'm like this..._ The swordsman cleared his throat, trying not to stare at his captain's lips too blatantly. The silence was already deafening and he knew he had to do something, immediately. The ball was in his court, he just had to decide how to play it.

"Luffy...", Zoro started, lips visibly trembling. He realized he had no idea what he wanted to tell his captain, he hadn't decided on his further actions and his body was clearly not able to act unaffected. _Oh, fuck it...,_ his thoughts halted. He leaned in closer to the young man, aiming for his lips, but as he suddenly realized what he was doing, he managed to avoid them at the last moment, only to slowly sink his teeth into the apple in his captain's hand. Taking a small bit in his mouth, he darted out his tongue, licking the white flesh of the fruit right in the middle of the bite. _This is it, no turning back now..._ Zoro almost cursed himself for it, hoping Luffy wasn't the type to just screw with other people's brains for fun. He certainly didn't seem the type, but the swordsman hardly knew him.

"I really hate the taste of apples, lately.", he continued smugly - hell, he could at least feign it! -, leaning back after swallowing the small bit. _Damn, I hope you get the hint, you sneaky bastard!_ (a.n. Lol, I was soooo thinking of Cartman when I wrote this line. You know, the fat &bitchy kid in South Park ^_^)

It was Luffy's turn to freeze, as his breathing seemed to have reached a halt. His eyes were fixed on Zoro's smirking face, unable to look away. _Zoro, you idiot! Can't you just kiss me without acting so smart?_ The invitation had been obvious enough and Luffy wasn't about to pretend he didn't get it. He might have seemed stupid, but this was actually the chance he'd gotten after a day's worth of hard work. Nothing the first mate would do or say now was going to make him change his mind. Luffy quickly recovered from his surprise, letting a confident smile take over his face.

Closing the distance between them, the younger man pressed his lips to Zoro's, completely blocking his escape by tightening his rubber arms around the swordsman, after he'd encircled his chest for a few times. Lips were locked together for long moments, as none of them was willing to separate. Somewhere in the middle of the kiss their mouths opened slightly, allowing them to exhale, hot breaths mingling in each other's mouth. Tongues emerged out of those mouths, curious to taste, eager to explore, desperate to twist with the other's, as the two men immersed themselves in the surreality of the moment. When their lips were finally removed from each other, Luffy moved his head slightly, so that his mouth was now millimeters away from his first mate's left ear and barely touching his earrings.

"So how do you like my taste, instead?", he teased, letting one of the golden earrings slip past his lips and pulling slowly. Zoro had to admit he never expected his idiot captain to be so sensual.

"It's quite addictive.", the swordsman teased back, darting his tongue out to lick the left side of the straw hat boy's neck and then breathing coolly over the heated skin.

"Good.", Luffy's answer came, as he was gently kissing the swordsman's lobe, proceeding to nip his helix. "'Cause I reeeeea--lly can't get enough of yours." His tone was playful, with a hint of naughty thoughts and Zoro almost laughed. It suited the rubber captain like a glove, he thought. Then he stopped thinking, or rather he was prevented from doing so by a pair of wet lips moving restlessly over his ear.

Time passed unnoticed as the two hungrily explored every bit of skin that was revealed to them, tasting, biting, caressing. They felt light-headed, lost in the tumult of sensations, breathing in the intoxicating smell of each other, immersing themselves in the other's body heat. Luffy's arms were still holding Zoro tightly, similar to a snake's death grip, but the swordsman didn't even think of protesting. He was too interested in the taste of his captain's jaw, throat, collarbone or shoulder blades, while Luffy planted light kisses on his eyes, forehead and scalp, occasionally diving to taste the sides of his first mate's neck or bite the shells of his ears. The gentle light of sunset faded slowly, sinking in the far away waves, as darkness enveloped the small boat and its impassioned occupants, who didn't seem to care for it at all.

After a while, the boy slowly released his grip, slipping his body lower and nuzzling into Zoro's chest. His arms fell along the swordsman's back languidly, coming to rest on his hips, embracing him gingerly. He simply stayed like that quietly, with his eyes closed and a contented smile on his face, while Zoro's right hand roamed through his hair, his left resting on the younger man's back. They didn't even notice when sleepiness started to creep in, their minds beginning to drift away to the world of dreams.

* * *

When Zoro woke up, the sky was almost black, with only the pale light of stars to keep the sea from succumbing into complete darkness. _Must be well past midnight, the moon's already set... ,_ he noted. His attention turned towards the muffled snore that was coming from above his chest. He wondered how he'd been able to sleep like this for so many hours. _Oi, oi... I'm not a pillow!_ Zoro thought, but then he realized he actually liked being a pillow, Luffy's pillow. He noticed how he didn't mind the younger man's snoring, neither was he bothered by his weight. It felt natural, holding him like that, and the boy's face was completely blissful.

 _Idiot, what happened to all that sex talk?_ Zoro had to admit, sex hadn't been on his mind at all, that night. He simply felt the purest, most genuine need to taste and touch, to hold and be held, to feel the body heat of the younger man mixing with his own until all boundaries between them were melted and they began floating in one shapeless amalgam of emotion. _Is this love? Must be... Or else I'd think I'm losing my mind. Still, it's not as corny as I'd imagined..._ It wasn't corny at all, it didn't feel that way, at least.

He contemplated the object of his newfound affection. The boy hadn't let his arms slip from around his hips and even after so many hours of sleep he was still embracing him lightly, in a way that showed devotion, rather than possessiveness. _You'd think he's completely clueless, but then he shocks the shit out of you with his boldness. In the end, though, he's purity personified._ Zoro sighed as he felt drowsiness taking him over once again. _Must be his damned snoring... Or all this warmth..._ , was all he managed to think before he was lulled back into the sleep realm.

* * *

"Oi! Get off me, you idiot! I know you're awake, so stop pretending. Oi!!!", Zoro exasperatedly tried to shake his rubber captain off.

"...", a loud snore was the only reaction.

"My shirt's all wet with drool and the sun's been up for more than two hours. Get off already, I'm going numb here!", the swordsman was growing impatient.

"...", Luffy didn't budge, the older man could feel the bastard smiling against his chest, fake snore emerging from his throat.

"Oi, there's a big, fat meaty bird flying above us right now, wake up and catch it!!", Zoro eventually got his ace out of his sleeve.

"There's meat?!? Where??? I wanna ...", the captain started. Unfortunately for his first mate, the boy merely rose his head, without any intention of releasing his hold.

"Zoro, why'd you trick me like that? For a moment I had my hopes high...", Luffy couldn't help pouting a bit, noticing the clear sky and complete lack of movement surrounding them, save for the waves.

"Because you're a jerk and would have kept pretending you were asleep, had I not mentioned the word meat.", Zoro amusedly explained, pulling his captain's rubber cheeks.

"I wasn't pretending...", the boy denied half-heartedly.

"Okay, okay... Now get off. Please! I can't feel my legs anymore...", the first mate seemed to finally convince the boy. He sighed as he started stretching, feeling needles all over his body. He rose to his feet, removing his shirt and hanging it on the small mast. He didn't have any spare clothes, so he'd have to wait for it to dry. Luffy had started eating with an unexpected appetite, while he energetically paced around the mast, craning his neck from time to time, as high as he could, in order to scout out for land. Zoro grabbed a couple of apples himself, surprised at Luffy's enthusiasm. Moments later he was amazed of his own reaction.

"The apples sure taste good this morning.", he remarked grinning.

"Yup, they're delicious!", Luffy approved, bouncing around and stretching.

~ The End (?!?) ~ Expect an epilogue (!)

 


	5. The great memory

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Final bit, just had a little more fun with my favorite swordsman by putting him through embarrassing situations. ^_^

Epilogue for Boredom,

**The great memory**

Things were going great for the Strawhat crew. They had a talented navigator and a new ship, a beautiful caravel completely garnished with a cook and a liar and were finally headed for the adventurous sea where only the best could survive, the terrific Grand Line. The days when just a starved rubber captain and a constantly sleepy swordsman were drifting in a small boat seemed to have been completely forgotten. Except, in Zoro's mind, there would always be that day, that memory which could never be erased... His first time. _Hey, wait! I wasn't reminiscing on THAT!!! What the fuck? There is no "first time" when you're a guy, seriously! Well, okay, maybe it's a bit more special than the rest of them, but that's all there is to it!_

***

Several days after their first romantic episode, the kisses shared by a certain straw hat wearing captain and his first mate had gotten more and more intense. Gone was the timidity of one exposing his own body to hungry lips, as was the slight hesitation before peeling the other's clothes. All fears of being rejected had been blown away in the short amount of time they'd spent entangled as one, floating on cloud nine. The idea of sharing more than just kisses was beginning to take shape in both men's minds, as they were irremediably drawn to one another.

The fateful day had begun normally, as normal as two (literally) hungry guys devouring each other's mouths on a small boat in the middle of the ocean could be. Soon melted in an embrace, the two almost naked bodies had started screaming for more attention, especially in the lower, more neglected regions. Perhaps they were both emotionally ready to take their relationship one step further, Zoro thought. Or, as Luffy delicately chose to put it into words, "If we don't have sex now, I can't promise not to sleep-rape you tonight." _Fair enough_ , Zoro was thankful for his captain's thoughtful warning, _I wouldn't put it past him to accomplish anything while sleeping_. Obviously, his self-control exceeded Luffy's, but he wasn't too far from the boy's statement either. Nothing seemed to be in the way of the two young pirates' passion anymore. But that was where things proved to be a tad more complicated than they seemed, for a slight difference in opinions would soon arise.

"Wh-- why should _I_ bottom?!?", the swordsman stammered, red with embarrassment. "I ...don't think ...I want it that way ...", he panicked. "And besides, you're actually made of rubber. It's obvious you're the one who should ...um ...well ...you know ...I mean, it wouldn't hurt you and stuff ...", he barely managed, voice trembling slightly. _Fuck, it's too awkward, talking about this..._

"But I want to make a great memory for your first time, so you have to be like that, Zoro...", Luffy explained, oblivious to his first mate's heavy sweating.

"How does that even work, logically?", the swordsman retorted, vein popping on his temple. "This is seriously going to hurt, I don't want that sort of painful memory!!", he continued, only to suddenly realize, "I mean ...It's not like I'm SCARED or anything. I'm just ...not very fond of the idea ..."

"Relax, I'm really good at this, you're gonna feel great!", Luffy reassured him, grinning happily.

"Exactly how many guys have you done it with before?", Zoro snapped, left eye twitching madly, "That day when you first asked me, you seemed to have no idea how two guys could even have sex."

"Oh, that day... Back then I just got confused 'cause you said it should be with a vagina ...so I just thought it's not called sex when it's two guys... ", the boy remembered.

"Oh, that makes sense, for an idiot... Wait, you still didn't answer how many...", the first mate reminded him. "Not that it's important or anything...", he hesitated.

"Oh, that... well... none yet. I'm still a virgin.", Luffy's grin widened.

"WHAT ???", Zoro couldn't contain his surprise, "But you were acting like ...and just now you said ...What the fuck was all that?"

"But I know all about it!", the boy insisted. "There was this bartender lady back in my village, Makino-san. She had a ton of manga magazines hidden behind the counter, but she would never lend me anything. She was even drawing her own stories sometimes, but would only show me little bits and say it's not for kids. So one day I borrowed one, when she wasn't looking, and read it.", Luffy started explaining, ignoring Zoro's gawking.

"So the story was about these two guys who were friends and used to hang out together, and then a lot of things happen, and one of them gets kidnapped, and his friend saves him from the bad guys, and then they end up doing all this stuff in all sorts of positions. It was pretty cool, though I didn't really understand most of it. The bottom guy seemed to feel especially good...", the boy continued, while a certain green-haired swordsman seemed to have difficulty breathing.

"Then when I grew older Makino-san finally let me read all of them, she even drew some with me and Shanks, though I don't really think she understood how our relationship worked. I remember she kept asking me if I tried those stuff myself. They seemed fun so I told her I definitely will one day. Her reaction was pretty weird, I mean her eyes were gleaming and she was kinda squeaking, but she seemed happy.", the rubber boy finished his story, leaving Zoro's mouth agape.

"That ... lady in your village... she was like _that_...", the first mate eventually managed to say.

"Like what?", Luffy wondered.

"Your Makino-san is a yaoi fangirl! I've only heard rumors about these perverts, but never actually met one myself. They say her kind are the worse! They appear to be innocent women, but their minds are extremely rotten...", Zoro explained darkly.

"Hmm ...really? She was a really nice lady, you know.", the boy assured his first mate. "This reminds me, you know Rika-chan's mom, the bartender lady? She said we looked really cute together.", Luffy remembered. (a.n. Rika - the little girl that made onigiri for Zoro in captain Morgan's town)

"Oh fuck, even that one was a pervert???", the swordsman couldn't believe his ears.

"She gave me this as a present, just before we left. Told me to do my best.", the boy continued, ignoring Zoro's comment and taking a small bottle out of his pocket. "So if I use this, it's not gonna hurt you. I told you I'm good at this!", Luffy proudly announced, seemingly not noticing the massive quantity of foam coming out of the swordsman's at mouth.

A couple of hours and some absolutely amazing orgasms later, Zoro would eventually agree that allowing Luffy to have his way with him had indeed been a great idea. As for the memories, damn ...the boy could really stretch _any_ part of his body.

***

Zoro was brought back to the real world with a hard slap. On his ass. He'd been standing there for a good half an hour, leaning against Merry's railing and staring at the sunset.

"This light makes you look hot!", Luffy happily complimented him.

"I'm gonna kill you one day, mark my words!", the swordsman threatened sinisterly.

"I know, I know... So, you wanna have sex?", the boy asked, completely unfazed. Zoro had learned by now that his rubber captain never paid attention to other people's reactions. This time, though, he was quite drawn to the proposal.

"Sure, why not? Do you feel like being on top today?", the first mate provoked, grinning.

"Whoaaa...Zoro... It's been a while since you wanted that! Man, this makes me excited...", the captain leaped in the other's arms, trapping him with his rubber limbs and attacking his neck.

"Hah, I've just remembered something that got me in the mood...", the swordsman laughed at the boy's eagerness.

/* end of epilogue */

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A tad inconsistent, I'm sure, but let's see... how could Zoro think it's impossible for two guys to be having sex (in chapter 1), but still know about yaoi fangirls? Obviously, he had to know about the sex, it's just that he was going through a stage of complete denial (similar to the never-seen-a-mermaid-before episode, loved that one). I know it's kind of a stretch, but meh... At least I had fun, right?


End file.
